Lucky

I suppose luck really has nothing to do with it, but I just feel so "lucky." Not only did I conceive and grow this miracle of a child, but she came out perfect. Besides her two little silly cowlicks on her forehead, there is not a single marking on her body. She, for the most part, has been extremely well and really in the beginning I think it was just from me taking antibiotics that made her so upset 24/7. I don't know if I expected God would challenge me with a "harder" baby or what, but everyday I wake up feel so lucky.

Just a few mins. ago she was chewing so hard on her hands I decided to brush her gums with this finger cap thing I have. I fully expected her to cry and move her head from side to side, instead she wouldn't stop smiling and even had a little giggle in there. After we were done I picked her up and went and sat in the rocker where she immediately decided she was tired and started crying. No questions asked I put her back in her sleep sack, kissed her and laid her down... OUT! She has such an incredible ability to tell when she is tired. She really just amazes me everyday.

I don't want to come across as "Omg, I have the best baby in the world" but rather, how am I so blessed to have this perfect human being. What did I do to deserve this. I suppose God really has used her as a huge impact in my life to not only provide an example that he really is in charge and has a greater plan for my life than I do, but also that he loves me so much and wants me to be happy so he gave me the most beautiful and precious gift I ever could have asked for.

I suppose these feelings only get stronger of "why me" when I hear of friends loosing babies. Just this week an old family friend lost a 3 month old son. I don't know the story other than this baby had a twin brother and from pictures looked totally healthy. I just can't imagine. I literally, can't imagine! My heart breaks for them, and in the end I know God has a plan, but why them? And why me? And why does he choose the people he chooses to not be able to have children? What a gift they are and why do they not get to experience pure bliss. So many questions, but I guess thats why his name is God. He reigns over the earth, and if we understood all that he did he wouldn't be much of a god.

I should end here, I'm pretty emotional today.