Jett's Birth Story

It's day 8 of Jett's life and I'm just now sitting down to write his birth story. To me birth stories are the best part about the entire pregnancy/newborn experience. It's exciting, it's thrilling, it's unlike anything you've ever experienced and ever will experience again. It's totally unique and at the end you have a body with two eyes staring at you that you are so in love with, but you are just meeting. 

That said, I was so excited to share both Jessa and Jacens ASAP, and well Jarretts has been a different story. In a sense I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing, figure out where I went wrong. Did I make wrong choices,wrong decisions? What could I have done differently to avoid what ending up happening? At the end of the day I know, I truly know, his story is exactly the way God had planned it. There were many hints that day where I felt God totally present. I know I need to be at peace with Jett's arrival story, but I'm still struggling. 

Nick and I had booked a Disney cruise with a few of our Houston friends before we made the big move to PA. At this point we were still very undecided if we wanted a 3rd child or not but when we booked the cruise it was so far in advance that we discussed that we COULD NOT get pregnant because the cruise wouldn't be an option for us anymore. We calculated when would be a safe time to get pregnant and still get to go cruising with our friends and made a deal that after Jacens 3rd birthday (in July) we would sit down, discuss where we were at and decide if we wanted to add another child to our family or if we would call us complete. Well story has it, the day after coming home from a visit to Houston in May we found out we were unexpectedly expecting! If you know anything about our family story you know this isn't our first surprise child, nor our second ;) however the 3rd time around was the most shocking of all because we were trying to NOT get pregnant. 

After moving the cruise up to a safe date, and sadly cruising without out our friends we found out we were expecting Jarrett Daniel, instead of our anticipated Norah Nicole. (That's irrelevant to this story though!)

 

Throughout my entire pregnancy my due date had always been of question. My early ultrasounds put Jarretts conception date at a date that was impossible, however doctors and midwives argued they are the most accurate way of calculating a due date. Well mine and the doctors dates were almost 2 weeks different. January 27th vs February 10th. During the 2nd week of January I started to show signs that labor was near. I called my mom and dad and discussed them coming sooner than later so when I did go into labor I didn't have to stress about who would watch the kids. Once they were here we basically sat around and stared at each other waiting for something to happen. I was extremely uncomfortable and Jett was constantly pushing down causing contractions and then moving making them stop. If you ever look up "how to induce labor naturally" the first thing you'll see is exercise/walk. Well it's winter, we were ready to get a major snow storm, and I had already done more mall walking/ store walking than my wallet could handle. When I woke up the morning of the 23rd I saw we had gotten about 4ish inches of snow. I knew the kids would be dying to play, so I made the decision I would exercise!!! I was going to shovel the driveway and let the kids play outside. As I bundled up I got some dirty looks from my mom, Nick, although hesitant, was on board... And my dad well we won't discuss what happened there.

The snow was pure powder, I wore my heart rate monitor making sure I never even got winded. I only pushed the shovel, never did I scoop and throw... I made sure both me and the baby were perfectly safe.

Once inside I started to feeling contractions but this wasn't anything new. Instead of taking my daily nap though I had so much energy and endorphins from being active I decided to take a really long shower and actually get dressed and put makeup on. After getting ready I decided I couldn't put a good hair day to waste and asked Nick if he wanted to go have dinner and see a movie. He agreed and we decided on Texas Roadhouse for dinner.

Contractions were starting to become consistent at this time but very doable, once inside and seated well that was a whole other story. Once I started grabbing the table through contractions I decided a movie probably wasn't happening! I texted a friend who I had asked to be at the birth, telling her where I was at that I was having pretty consistent contractions and low and behold her and her family were actually sitting in the same restaurant!!! So strange!!! We hurried through dinner, mainly because if you have ever tried to have contractions without looking like a fool in a restaurant it's just not possible. We had decided though we weren't ready to call this the real thing yet, and we would go do some more store walking... At Big Lots! Hahahaha

After walking around the store and picking up some random things we got in the truck to head for home and I started timing contractions at about 7-9 mins apart. Once at home I called the midwife told her what I was experiencing, we discussed being GBS+ and needing to be on antibiotics for at least 4 hours before delivery and with my track record from Jessa and Jacen we decided it would be best for me to come on in. 

We made to the birth center, I got my first choice of rooms! The ocean room! I was dilated to a 4, 70% effaced and ready to rock and roll. I handled contractions well, got my IV in like a big girl and settled in for the unknown experience ahead.

 Since it was night I was encouraged to try and get some rest if I could, so I worked through contractions in and out of sleep until about 5 in the morning. Although I was having consistent contractions I wasn't  progressing at all. From my other two births, both babies were born within minutes of my water breaking. We discussed breaking my water at this point to see if we could speed things along. I agreed, we did just that and I braced myself for a fast paced next hour ahead. About 2 hours rolled by(actually I really don't know because everything becomes foggy at this point.) My body was exhausted, I was kicking myself in the pants for shoveling the driveway and not taking a nap afterward and all of a sudden my consistent contractions came to a screeching hault. I was walking, climbing stairs, doing lunges, sitting on a birthing ball, sitting up, laying down... You name it I tried it... Nothing. After about 6 hours of nothing and a super frustrated mom later we decided one last effort and that was pumping. I wasn't expecting anything to happen but contractions picked back up!!! I was encouraged to walk for at least 30 mins after pumping to fully kick things into gear! Once I was done pumping and having very consistent contractions again I walked out into the hallway to start walking and climbing stairs again. Once I was up and moving I only had about 2 more contractions in 30 mins. I had officially had it by this point. I was super frustrated, extremely exhausted, mentally unstable and the woman in the other birth room... Well she became very loud and we heard the sweet cries of her newborn. 

I completely lost it at this point! I was done. I didn't really care what they had to do at this point I was just ready to get this baby out!!!! My midwife came in and we discussed in detail what would happen if I agreed to be transferred to the hospital. We decided this was best, and after begging, she agreed I could have an epidural before starting pit. We pack up our bags, got in the car and headed over to the hospital where they were waiting for me. At this point I was having extremely intense contractions that I could only moan through, they were very short in length and very sporadic! 

When they put me in my hospital room they started hooking me up to everything I had planned so long for NOT to be hooked up with. I remember crying multiple times, yelling the F word once when I felt another contraction coming along, feeling scared, completely helpless and emotionally drained. I had to do some more convincing for them to give me an epidural before they started pitocin but I think it was pretty apparent by this point, it's really what I needed. I was just spent! 

After sobbing through my epidural placement, learning the reason why I had such a bad experience with my epidural with Jessa (I have a curve at the base of my spine??) I was finally becoming numb. There were still multiple people in my room and I remember laying my head back and just pretty much passing out. I guess I slept for about an hour and half and when I woke up Nick was sleeping. I remember sitting there staring at the tv but only being able to concentrate on the fact I knew I was ready to push. I seriously couldn't feel ANYTHING. I do remember putting my hand between my legs because I was worried maybe he was already out! Ha! 

I pushed the nurse's call button and said "I can't feel anything but I'm pretty sure I need to be checked." That woke Nick up, my midwife and nurse were in my room within a minute, they put me in some stirrups and said.. Ok let's party. 

Nothing felt rushed as they prepared the room and my midwife looked me in the eyes and said, your epidural is really strong I know this isn't what it was like with your first so don't get discouraged if we need to push for a while. (Ok challenge accepted!) The nurse and midwife watched the monitor told me when a contraction was coming and I pushed... "OH I SEE A FACE!" 

I remember thinking WHAT? Is she kidding? My midwife looked at me said, BREATHE! I took a short breath continued my 1st push and before I could take another breathe little Jarrett Daniel was placed on my belly! 

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew all I wanted for this labor/birth was for it to be "calm." It was that word i had in mind my entire pregnancy. I just wanted to experience a calm birth! And certainly not with 10 strange nurses and doctors running in the room like I did with both Jessa and Jacen! 

Jarretts birth went completely opposite of the way I had wanted it to go... However the moment my midwife and nurse walked in after I had called them to check me until they left Nick and I to bond with our new tiny human, the room was so calm! No one strange came into our room, as Jett laid on my stomach my midwife delayed cord clamping, the nurse calmly suctioned his nose and mouth and we all just watched him as he took his first breaths. It was oddly magical! Him and Nick went to another part of the room while the nurse did all she is required to do on the little guy and my midwife and I just sat making jokes while she did her duties on me. I never once shook, like I did so badly with the first 2... I was so completely calm! 

It's taken me 3 days to write this entire story out but I'm so thankful that I did. I told my midwife very frankly at my 2 week check up apt I was having a lot of trouble coming to terms with Jarretts birth. I just kept questioning what I did wrong!! She reaffirmed me that I did in fact have to grieve the birth I had planned almost an entire year for, sort of like I had to grieve the fact I wasn't haven't another daughter but instead gaining a son. Emotions are weird, that's for sure! Things you don't necessarily want to feel, you feel and things that you know are sometimes silly, you feel those anyhow! One thing I've learned though is to work through those feelings, get them on paper and totally express them... Which is what I have done here! I feel like slowly I'm coming to peace with the fact I will never be one of those mamas to give birth completely unassisted in the position I desire, and in the setting I desire. But that's ok! I am so grateful to have three healthy beautiful children all of whom have their unique stories that are beautiful in their own way ;) 

Birth aside, Jarrett has been completely different from my other two newborns I have raised. I've seen more of his eyes in the last two and a half weeks than I ever did of the other two in the first 3 months of their lives.

I know he could change in an instant, and I'm not holding my breath, that's for sure! But it's shocking how fantastic I feel. I want to hold him, smell him, stare at him and breathe him in as much as I can. I'm patient with him! He cries, don't get me wrong, he even screams at times, but I'm able to calm him down! I get anxious when he's away from me, but am having no anticipated irrational thoughts. When it's nighttime he sleeps, I sleep... Everyone sleeps! I will not say I'm not tired, because honestly I'm exhausted, but it's a good exhausted, a "I'm doing what I'm suppose to do" exhausted.

There are a lot of factors I believe contribute to Jett's behavior, which I won't get into now. I want to end by saying, if you have a colicky baby, please first and foremost reach out to a support group! Unless you have walked in those shoes you have no idea what it's like and having people going through the same hell as you is strangely comforting!!! 2nd call me! I will walk through things that helped me, and give you more sympathy than you would know what to do with! And 3rd, remember you are a great mom and things will get better! I sincerely hope I don't have to take my own advice again, but I do hope I am able to help someone through a terrible time if they ever find themselves in it! 

I very much looking forward to the next few weeks, months and years watching Jett grow. Although it feels strange and foreign knowing I'm done with this stage of life, and I have no idea what my next life chapters hold, I do have the feeling my family is complete. The door is always open for another kid, birthed from someone else, but my biological family feels complete and for that in so grateful! 

Waiting for 3

One of the coolest memories I have to look back on is my letters to my children that I have wrote. I haven't written letters in quite some time and now that I'm just sitting waiting on #3 to arrive I thought maybe it would be fun to write a few letters.

Jessa,
You are almost 5 and 1/2! You are going to preschool everyday and love it. You love homework and just being at school learning and surrounded by friends. I hope that never changes for you. You are so smart, just like dad! You can write the entire alphabet, you can spell everyone names in the family, and write them often and you are working your way right along to know many more words and how to spell them. You color me at least 3.3 pictures every single day! Rainbows, stars, hearts, always it says I *heart* U MOM Jessa! It's like your signature. It's pretty cute. In fact for your birthday in October dad and I actually bought and wrapped you an entire rem of paper because you were blowing through all of our computer paper! ha! You love playing with Jacen and actually get really angry when he isn't up for playing. You spend 99.9% of the time playing with him telling him what to do, how to act, and what to say. You are definitely a leader, but sometimes it can go really overboard! Grandma and Grandpa have been here a week now waiting for Jett and you and grandma and Jacen have set up the entire playroom like a toy store. When you named your toy store there were rainbows in the playroom from the sun so the sign on the door reads "Rainbow Toys." Someday, probably when you are reading this you will learn that Grandma had to find a way to convince you to clean up the playroom, and well... for a week now it's been almost spotless and you open "rainbow toys" for business everyday! ;) Grandma spends most of her days playing store with you, and you love every second of it! We are all sitting around waiting for Jett to be born and it's cute because you might be the most excited to meet him. You keep saying "I cant wait to see what he looks likes!" You already are such an amazing big sister, I can't wait to see you love on this little guy when he gets here. Youre heart has always been and continues to be huge and that is my most favorite thing about you! You are so caring of others, I hope that never changes. I love you so very much and have so enjoyed watching you become such a beautiful little girl... that ONLY wears dresses and like ballet, Are you sure we are related??? Ha! I love and hate that we are so different, but you teach me so much each and everyday. I love you sweet baby!

Jacen,
3 year old Jacen! You are quite the handful. Each and everyday I have someone that tells me how much you look like daddy, however I don't see it. When I look at you Jacen all I see is myself. You have almost every personality trait that I have, it's almost scary. You are super strong willed, love making people laugh and smile, are one of the most sarcastic kids I know, yet can hold a straight face whenever need be. You are caring and love affection, yet you are physically rough with almost everyone except Jessa. Sometimes we encourage you to be mean back to Jessa, because she is extremely mean to you (pushes, shoves, hits and kicks) yet for some reason you can't. But you sure can beat up daddy and grandpa like it's your job! Whenever you are 'fighting' with one of the older boys the look in your eyes tells me you are 100% sure you can beat them up. Of course weighing only 35lbs that's totally not true, but you are so determined! It's adorable! You also love to help! You are so curious about cooking, about cleaning and just about everything else. You like to problem solve ... have I mentioned how much alike we are? You are so very handsome, and EVERYONE talks about your eyelashes still. The big talk these days are if Jett is going to have eyelashes like yours? You enjoy going to preschool, although it took you a while to enjoy having a "leader day." You are definitely a second child that likes to follow the crowd. You aren't very enthusiastic about learning, but  you know what you should for your age and are extremely proud of yourself when we point out that you learned something new, or got an answer right! You love anything that has wheels. Trains, trucks, cars... you name it that's what you like to play with! Yesterday though you grabbed two horses and where making them talk to one another. It was pretty sweet, and you used language that I use when I talk to you! You are excited for Jett to be here, but I have a feeling you will miss our long cuddle sessions, especially on Mon and Fridays when Jessa is at school and you are used to having that time with me to yourself. It will be ok though, I'm so excited that I can give you a brother!!! I love you so very much, and love watching you grow. Keep your attitude in check and remember... Mommy and Daddy are the boss! :)

Jett,
What a wonderful surprise you were/are! From the moment we found out about you, we knew God has big special plans for you in our family! We have been watching you grow in my belly for 9 months now and are extremely excited to meet you, see what you look like and start loving on you! About a week ago, we really thought you were on your way to be welcomed into the world so grandma and grandpa packed their bags and came to stay with us for a little while. Well today has been a week since they have been there and still, you are not here! Come on little man, we are ready for you! Yesterday and Today we got a good amount of snow so I went outside and shoveled almost the entire driveway hoping that would help you along to get out of my belly. You are taking up a lot of room in there, and I'm ready for you to be out! I can't wait to watch you grow, to care for you, and to show you the world! All 4 of us are excited, an anxious to welcome you to our family! You are so loved already!