It's been over a month.

It's been over a month since I've last written. At least once a day I think about something I should write down, but by the time bed time rolls around, call me crazy but all I want to do is go to bed! I have so many things I want to talk about/brag about having to do with Jessa. I don't want these now memories to ever escape me, and I'm feeling them fade fast. I'm scared really.

This pregnancy has had me super emotional from day 1. My pregnancy with Jessa was a shock, so I feel like I spent the 9 months preparing for a child, mentally and physically the way a person should... but maybe with a little more grief than one might lead on because I wasn't quite ready to give up my childhood myself. Well I did it, I got through it look at me now! A mama of a beautiful 17 month old child that I couldn't possibly imagine loving anything as much. I get to do it all over again, I'm more than thrilled about that! I'm even more thrilled that I get to experience having a son! A SON! I realize I too will get through this just like I have done with Jessa, but "what if" I don't love him as much as I love Jessa.... YES I just took it there! The "what if" game can really get you caught up in a whole bunch of stuff you don't want to get caught up in, but lets be honest here, doesn't even parent think of this stuff?

How in the world do you nurse a child, when your other child is running around the house?
How do you separate yourself and make sure you give equal amount of attention to each kid?
How do you make sure your older child feels loved when you haven't slept in over a week?
How do you handle older child if/when they act up because they need attention?
Am I hurting my older child by bringing a new love into my life?
Am I hurting my younger child because I'll never spend as much alone time with child 2 as I did with child 1?
Will I treat them differently?
How do you play fairsies?
And again... Will I love child 2 as much as child 1??

Sometimes I exhaust myself with my thinking. My only peace comes in knowing that God is really only to give me as much as I can handle. From the moment Nick and I made the decision to stop all birth control, we laid the possibility of child #2 in God's hands. Even after thinking over these lists of questions at least once a day, I still feel at peace knowing God has planted this little being inside of me and given me the job to raise him to the best of my ability. Even if that means having days where I sit on the couch and let both kids watch t.v. all. day. long. :)

Moving on:

JESSA @ 17 months!
Weight: I'll check these tomorrow, I have no guesses!
Height:
Clothes/Diaper size: 12mo. Pants; 18-24mo. Shirts; Size 4 Diapers
# of teeth:8 front, bottom right molar, and other 3 showing but not fully in.
Personality: Still laid back, but showing more and more when she feels strongly about something. (She's an AMAZING listening, direction follower)
Words she has mastered:Dog, Please, Dad-dee, Juice, Fish, baby, ball, EIEIO (Notice mom isn't on the list)
Bed time:7pmISH
Wake up time:7amISH
FAVORITES!
Toy: I bought her a doll stroller today... as of this moment that is her favorite toy!!! She's really into dolls these days!
Food: Banana's (Surprise,Surprise)She eats a lot of oatmeal, chicken, kix, and peas but she LOVES banana's!
Food she's not a fan of: Thanksgiving Dressing, Broccoli (although tonight she dipped it in ketchup) and Pasta
Friends: Her BFF's at the moment are Addie and Haddlie... can't forget Duke too!
Outfit(mom's choice): I love her in smock shirts and jeans/leggings. Recently we have been putting her hair in pigtails and side ponies.
Activity:
T.V. Show: Barney... and only barney. She has fallen in love at probably 9 months old and won't sit still for any other show!
Mom's Memory: When I whistled and she whistled back. She still occasionally will walk around the house just whistling! It melts my heart! Also, I know I already mentioned it, but she is crazy good at following directions: "Jessa, go get your shoes!" "Where's your cup?" "Go find your sleep sack." "Want to go outside?" "Should we go bye, bye?" "Please put your toys away." "Get your sleep sack out of the kitchen." "Go find something to play with, you're driving me crazy." "Where's Duke at?" "Go get my phone, let's call grandma." "Shut the door." "Put that back!" I use all of these phrases at least once if not 10 times during the day :)

Now onto Kid #2
Name: Jacen Terry Taube
How many weeks: 25 weeks 2 days
Biggest Craving: urgh, EVERYTHING. There's not really anything that doesn't sound amazing. Last week it was garlic bread though. That was funny.
Sleeping at night?: After I eat 2 tums, I'm good to go!
Weight Gain: 14 lbs.... ya, I don't want to talk about it! 10lbs last month, 4lbs this month. URGH!
Pains: Same exact pains in same exact places with Jessa and Jacen
Movement:Was feeling head on right side, legs on left. After last night I'm for sure he is head down, comfy as can be and have been feeling his hands all day in places that are really awkward to be blogging about.
Differences in pregnancies?: My two pregnancies couldn't have been more different from the start, now they are crazy similar... and I'm ready to be done.
Anything else: I hired a doula last week to ensure as natural and as healthy of a delivery as I can. I'm getting really excited!