Dear Jessa (one month)

Dear Jessalynn,

Today is Thanksgiving. You are exactly one month old today. It is such a strange feeling that the days go by so slowly, but somehow I can't believe it's already been a whole month since I first met you. Your Aunt Sarah has been here all week and is leaving tomorrow. I'm not sure of the impression that you have made on her. I would love to write that you were a perfect angel all week and looked at her with your big, almost brown eyes, smiled and she fell madly in love with you and wanted to steal you and take you home with her. However, I would be lying to you if I told you that story. Aunt Sarah has got to see you and me both at our worst and our best this week... lets just hope she loves us the same when she boards her plane tomorrow, as when she got off her plane earlier this week.

The events of the last two weeks are somewhat of a blur. I have tried my hardest to look at you everyday and make at least one special moment throughout the day just holding your tiny body, realizing that sooner than later it's not going to be so tiny anymore. You are growing so fast and already weight 10lbs!! You are still remaining just as cute as you have always been though. I have a hard time describing to anyone my feelings for you these past two weeks. I often ask Daddy "How can I love someone so much, more than anything in the world, but at the same time want place you in your crib and run for the front door!" I'm sure as you are growing up I will get to explain to you more of how the first month of your life was for Daddy and I, and while doing that I'm sure I will mention more often than not the feelings of helplessness I had with you. For the last two weeks you have cried, sometimes it feels like all day! These last few days have been filled with you crying, sleeping and eating. Once in awhile you will open those beautiful eyes of yours, but even those times are short lived followed by more cries. I pick you up and ask you "Why?" "What is wrong baby?" Daddy and I try everything short of hanging you by your toes trying to figure out how to make you happy again. I often find myself in tears, usually calling Grandma to try and calm me down, and also seek advice from her. Her advice usually consists of telling me to take deep breaths and then she goes on and on about how precious you are! (I'm pretty sure she is third in line as far as loving you goes!) I'm not sure what I would do without her, and I can only pray that I can be as wonderful of a mom to you as she has been to me. Our relationship is so special, something that I cherish so much. When Daddy told me you were a girl, my heart skipped a little beat hoping that we can have a just as special of a bond as Grandma and I have.

You are currently sleeping in your chair next to me on our bed. Daddy and I have put you down for naps twice today in your crib. I think you will be extra cozy in there for the days to come. Right now though I like having you close, even if I wake up to your squeaks through the night. I should mention that you already have a nickname. Grandma calls you squeaky, and Daddy has picked up on this too. I like to go with alittle more flavor to my nicknames and call you squeaky mc squeak alot, or sqeakazoid (when you are crying) basically I make up my names for you as I go along with the day. Somehow though at the end of the day Jessa is the name that fits you best! Jessalynn Jean, it's so perfect for you :)

Jessa, when you are sleeping all I want to do is hold you, and when you are crying all I want to do is put you down. You are the most amazing gift that God has ever given to me, but I suppose sometimes gifts come with a little hard work behind them. I can only hope this week goes better than the last few. I am off my meds. so hopefully your tummy can start processing my milk a little easier. I want only the best for you, and that means I will spend all of my days trying to figure out how to make you happy, or at least comfortable and content. I love you so so much, and am looking forward to our First Christmas together. I can't wait to tell you all about Santa and the Elves and of course Jesus, the whole reason we celebrate Christmas!

Sleep well tonight baby girl, dream sweet dreams and lets shoot for a wonderful day tomorrow! :)
Love, Love, Love,
Mommy